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Loneliness is a natural human emotion that we all experience at times. As social beings, we are biologically built to seek out social connections. Every person will experience the feeling of loneliness at some point during their life. No one is 'immune' from it, you can live with someone and feel lonely.Β You might experience loneliness in any relationship, while spending time with friends or family, on social media, in a city, or at university. Loneliness can arise when you feel unacknowledged or misunderstood by those around you.
Loneliness can also stem from relationships lacking emotional depth, growing apart from someone, or experiencing a breakdown in communication. You might feel lonely alone, while others may choose solitude and be content with limited social interaction. However, we all need some social connections, even if it is just a little.
The intensity of loneliness can vary, fluctuating from moment to moment and over different periods.
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You can feel lonely in many different ways and at different times of your life.Β You may have lost a significant partner or friend and that can be a very lonely place, even with others for support.Β You may have recently moved area for work or to study and suddenly find yourself with a less social network than what you may have had previously. You may only have moments of loneliness or you may feel lonely all the time.Β Β Some days may find you feeling more lonely than at other times.Β You may dread the weekends or the holiday season with those periods making you feel more alone than at other times of the year.
Studies conducted in the UK in 2023, showed that 85% of adults had experienced loneliness (Nextdoor, 2023). The study also showed that loneliness does not just affect certain age groups but in fact, loneliness affected the 16-24 year group the most (Nextdoor, 2023).Β Nearly half of those responding to the survey highlighted that nearly half felt continued loneliness(Nextdoor, 2023).
Everyone can feel lonely but some may be more vulnerable to loneliness than others. People who have no family or friends or a single parent, for example with little time to attend activities and groups.Β People who care for someone else can also be very lonely for their own connections.Β Those belonging to a minority group, people with mobility problems, and financial constraints, and those who experience discrimination due to gender or sexual identity.Β People who have experienced abuse or neglect in their lives can also struggle to form friendships and can become isolated. Those who live rurally may have found their transportation network cut, limiting their access to their normal connections and activities. There are many situational reasons why people may suddenly find themselves with reduced social contact and increasingly lonely through no fault of their own.
When we start to feel lonely, we can enter a cycle of aloneness and begin to isolate ourselves which in turn makes us feel more and more alone. Breaking out of that cycle can be difficult. You can start to develop a fear of the outside world and it becomes harder and harder to step into it. Loneliness is a human feeling but if enter a long period of being alone it can lead to feelings of sadness, leading to depression, and anxiety.
As human beings we are designed for social connection in some form, without it we can start to feel vulnerable and under threat. Life today is busy, we often can feel very alone in the street that we live on. Our society is changing in how we live and interact with others, which can lead to more and more people feeling lonely.
It can feel difficult to say you are lonely.Β Telling people you feel lonely can be hard. It can feel like you are saying 'there is something wrong with me' and 'I am lonely because people don't like me'.Β It can add to your belief about yourself that there is something wrong with you.Β Β There is no shame in being lonely. Everyone will experience loneliness in their lifetime, even for short periods. Circumstances that are of no fault of your own can create a situation in which you begin to experience loneliness. It is important to acknowledge that, to reach out and talk about it.Β As a society, we need to openly discuss loneliness and reduce the feeling of shame that can exist.
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Counselling can provide a safe environment for you to talk about your feelings of being lonely, having someone to hear you and listen without judgement. You can explore solutions that are right for you with someone who will truly hear what your experience is. If, for you, your feelings of loneliness are becoming overwhelming and you are in a cycle of social isolation then talking this through can help to break the cycle and enable you to find solutions.Β I have experience working with individuals who find themselves feeling lonely. Please do reach out, if you feel that way too.
References:
βNextdoor, Marmalade Trust. "The silent epidemic". (2023)
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