Domestic abuse isn’t just about physical harm. It also includes controlling, threatening, or demeaning behavior, often by a partner or ex-partner, but it can also come from a family member or caregiver.

Domestic abuse can take many forms. It might involve controlling your money, putting you down, keeping you away from friends and family, threatening your children or pets, telling you who you can see or what you can do, or even sexual violence. Living with abuse can leave lasting emotional and physical scars.

What are the facts and who is affected?

What are the different forms of domestic abuse?

1. Coercive control

This is a pattern of behavior meant to create fear and dependency. It involves threats, humiliation, and intimidation to harm, punish, or scare someone—and it is now a criminal offence. This kind of control can include isolating you from friends and family, monitoring your movements, controlling who you can see, forcing you into illegal activities, or depriving you of basic needs like food. It might also involve making threats, such as saying they’ll harm themselves. Coercive control is about taking away your freedom and independence, leaving you feeling trapped and powerless.

2. Emotional or psychological abuse

This is the most common type of abuse and can leave deep, lasting scars. It happens when someone uses words or actions to hurt, scare, belittle, or confuse you on purpose. Sometimes, they might try to make you doubt yourself or feel like you’re losing your mind—this is called "gaslighting." Examples of this abuse include name-calling, making threats to take your children or involve Social Services, accusing you of cheating, blaming you for their behavior, or even controlling what you eat. These actions are meant to break your confidence and keep you feeling powerless.

3. Physical abuse

This involves any kind of violence or force, such as pushing or shoving, and it can escalate over time, leading to serious injuries or even death. Tragically, every three days, a woman is killed by her partner or ex-partner. Examples of physical abuse include kicking, hitting, slapping, hair pulling, rough "play fighting," strangling, spitting, throwing objects, or forcing someone to take illegal drugs or stopping them from taking needed medication. These acts are meant to harm and control, leaving both physical and emotional damage.

4. Sexual abuse

Any sexual contact that is unwanted or happens when someone cannot give consent. Consent must be active and freely given—if it’s not, it’s abuse. Abusers often use sexual abuse as another way to exert control, and many people who face other types of domestic abuse also experience sexual abuse. Examples include pressuring or forcing you into sexual acts, making you watch pornography, calling you degrading names, pressuring you to have sex with others, guilt-tripping you into sex, controlling your access to contraception, or sharing intimate images of you without your consent.

5. Digital abuse

This is a way abusers use technology to monitor and control their partners. This can include installing spyware on your phone, using devices like Alexa or Google Home to listen in, tracking your social media activity, setting up tracking devices on your car, checking your phone, sharing intimate images without consent, or even controlling your online banking. If you’re worried about digital abuse, you can take steps like changing your passwords, turning off location services, and speaking to an advisor to create a safety plan. Technology should make your life easier, not be used to control or harm you.

6. Financial abuse

This is a way for abusers to control their partners by taking away their financial independence. It’s now recognized as a form of abuse, even if there’s no other emotional, physical, or sexual abuse involved. Examples of financial abuse include stopping you from working or forcing you to go to work, pressuring you to take out loans or debts in your name, closely monitoring your spending or demanding explanations for every penny, and even stealing money from you.

7. Stalking

This is when someone repeatedly gives you unwanted attention in a way that makes you feel scared or uncomfortable. It could come from a current or ex-partner, someone who wants a romantic relationship with you, or even someone you know, like a neighbor, coworker, or friend. While some actions, like sending flowers or letters, might seem harmless or even romantic, if they’re unwanted and part of a persistent pattern that makes you feel upset, it’s stalking.

8. Forced marriage

This is when you are pressured—physically, emotionally, or psychologically—into marrying someone against your will. This pressure often comes from family members, and sometimes both people involved are forced to marry. It’s important to understand that forced marriage is illegal. It’s different from an arranged marriage, where both people have a choice about whether they want to marry or not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The 2021 Domestic Abuse Act now also recognises children as victims in their own right.

Even though domestic abuse is common, many people don’t report it. Some might not realize what they’re experiencing is abuse, while others stay silent because they feel ashamed or think it’s somehow their fault. But it’s important to know that it’s never your fault, and you’re not alone. If you’re being abused, help is available.