Facing Christmas After Loss
Christmas is that time when people come together, to be with friends and family. It can be a joyous time for many, filled with festive traditions, carols, and time to gather with the ones that are important in your life. However, for those who have lost a loved one, it can be difficult to face, a stark reminder of the loss. It can be a time when the loss may feel amplified. You may be wondering how you will get through the Christmas period.
Navigating Christmas while grieving isn’t about ignoring the pain or forcing joy. It’s about finding ways to honor your feelings, adapt to a new reality, and create space for healing, even in the midst of loss. By allowing yourself to grieve openly and embracing what feels right for you, it’s possible to make it through this challenging time with moments of peace and meaning.
Grief during Christmas is deeply personal. There’s no “right” way to navigate it. Listen to your needs, honour your emotions, and know that it’s okay to approach the season in your own time and your way.
Whether it’s your first Christmas without a loved one or many years have gone by, the holiday season can bring a mix of emotions and bittersweet memories. Here are some suggestions to help you navigate this time with care and support, no matter where you are on your journey through grief. I want to also recognise and acknowledge the loss of a companion animal which can and does also make Christmas difficult for people too. Grief comes from love and a relationship shared.
You may be facing your first Christmas without the significant person in your life or your beloved animal.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
The first step in navigating Christmas after a loss is to openly recognize that it’s going to be different. Let those around you know if you feel sad or subdued, that way you take away the pressure of pretending everything is normal. Sharing your emotions and what you need helps you to not feel pressured or overwhelmed, it lets people know what you need and what you can cope with. Decline invitations or commitments if they feel overwhelming. Your energy is precious, and those who care about you will understand.
2. Keep Your Plans Flexible
All the meet-ups, and family and friends gatherings can feel overwhelming. Let people know how you are feeling and what you need. It is okay if you feel some gatherings will be too much and that you may choose to attend some or none at all. Let people know if you may need to step out from time to time and for them not to worry.
3. Self-care for your Physical Self
Grief can be physically and emotionally draining. So take care of yourself, and maintain a simple routine: ensure you eat healthily and regularly, have some walks in the fresh air, and connect with nature and those close to you. Try to keep to a sleeping routine to help your body.
4. Moderate Alcohol Intake
Although it might be tempting to numb the pain, too much alcohol can worsen feelings of sadness and even create new challenges.
5. Do Christmas your way
Don't feel that you have to 'do Christmas' the way it was done before if it just feels too painful. Create a new routine that suits you—whether that’s traveling, simplifying your plans, or forgoing the festivities entirely. Everything is in your control, do what you need to do to get through the holidays.
6. Honor Their Memory
Incorporate your loved one into the season in a meaningful way. Light a candle, hang an ornament in their honor, prepare their favorite dish, or donate to a cause they care about.
7. Speak Their Name
Talking about your loved one can bring comfort. Toast to their memory, share stories and look through photos. Acknowledging their absence can make them feel present in spirit. Remember if you find this is still difficult to do that's okay, in time that may change. Always listen to what feels okay with you and don't feel bad if you find you are not ready to do some things.
8. It is okay if you have moments of happiness
If moments of happiness arise, allow yourself to experience them. Feeling joy doesn’t diminish your love or the depth of your loss.
9. Channel Your Energy
Some people find comfort in staying busy. Dive into holiday crafts, bake treats, or create handmade decorations. Occupying your hands can help quiet a restless mind.
10. Dedicate Time for Self-Care
Give yourself some moments just for you. Plan some time doing the things you enjoy, it could be simple things like curling up with a good book, having a bath, or just going for a walk. Calming activities like coloring, puzzles, and crafting can also be beneficial. You may want to treat yourself to a class, trying something new, something that promotes healing. Simply being in nature can be healing, it has a way of grounding us and supporting us during this time. Writing/journaling can be therapeutic too. Note your feelings, memories, or words left unsaid.
In Conclusion
Facing Christmas after the loss of a loved one is undeniably challenging. It’s a time of year that can feel heavy with memories and reminders of what has changed. But amidst the sadness, it’s important to give yourself permission to grieve in your own way, honor your loved one, and embrace moments of comfort where you can.
There’s no “right” way to approach the holidays after a loss—whether you seek quiet reflection, create new traditions, or decide to skip the festivities entirely. Whatever path you choose, be gentle with yourself, lean on the support of those who care for you, and take it one step at a time. Even in sorrow, it’s possible to find small moments of peace and meaning during the season.
If you find yourself struggling, do reach out for support. You are not alone.