Your day starts as it always does, you get up, eat breakfast and perhaps head to work. Your day is busy, you are needed, you have a role. You start to get to the end of the day and think about dinner, perhaps meeting some friends. Then without warning you get a call “Hello, I am ringing from the hospital and I need to tell you that unfortunately your mother has had a major stroke and you need to be here as soon as you can”.  The next few weeks roll into each other, waiting to see if she is going to make it, doctors, nurses, sitting for hours in hospital waiting rooms…. then things improve but it is not over… the recovery begins and your life is about to change. You will find yourself navigating a world very unfamiliar to you. Dealing with health professionals, making difficult decisions and coping with a frightened parent, who has changed and the roles have reversed. You, too, are struggling with your emotions, trying to cope, doing what is best, and dealing with your anxiety, worry and responsibility. Trying to sort out your own life and know that from now on, you are fully responsible for your parent in a completely different way. There is no guidebook, no warning and no pre-training. You are living it and adapting to life moment by moment.

Watching your parent grow older and face health challenges can stir up so many emotions. It’s a journey filled with love and care, but it can also bring exhaustion, anxiety, and feelings of being overwhelmed. For many, stepping into the role of caregiver feels natural—an act of love and gratitude for all they’ve done. But this shift in roles can also be complicated, especially if your relationship with your parent has been difficult or strained. Whether you are sharing the caregiving responsibilities with other family members or managing them alone, the challenges can feel immense.

The Emotional and Practical Challenges

Caring for an ageing parent often means rearranging your life to meet their needs. Doctor’s appointments, medications, and physical care may now take up a significant part of your time. If you’re working, this can lead to conflicts between your responsibilities at work and the increasing demands at home. You may even face the difficult decision to leave your job, which can create financial strain and impact your sense of identity. Even when done out of love, caregiving can bring feelings of resentment and guilt. You might feel resentment for the time and energy it takes, but guilt for feeling that way at all. Tiredness often becomes your constant companion, and you may feel alone, even if you have support.

Health scares and emergencies add another layer of anxiety. Care decisions—whether to bring in additional help, considerations of assisted living, or to make adjustments at home—can be heart-wrenching, especially when they go against what you or your parent want. These moments can leave you feeling helpless as if no choice is truly a good one.

The Importance of Caring for Yourself

Amid caregiving, it’s easy to lose sight of your own needs. Neglecting your well-being can lead to burnout, which makes it harder to provide the care your parent needs. Taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s essential. I really can’t stress this enough. I understand how difficult it can be to take time for yourself, but doing so is essential—it ultimately shapes how much you can support your loved one.

Some practical ways to protect your well-being include:

• Seeking help: Don’t hesitate to reach out to other family members, friends, or professional caregivers. Sharing the load can make a significant difference.
• Setting boundaries: It’s okay to say no sometimes. Recognize your limits and communicate them.
• Building a support network: Joining a support group for caregivers can provide a safe space to share your feelings and get advice from those who understand.
• Making time for yourself: Even small acts of self-care, like going for a walk, practising mindfulness, or enjoying a hobby, can help restore your energy.

How Counselling Can Help

Counselling offers a supportive space to explore and process the complex emotions that come with caregiving. A counsellor can help you to:

• Work through feelings of guilt, resentment, and sadness.
• Manage stress and anxiety related to your parent’s health and care decisions.
• Navigate family dynamics, especially if there are disagreements about caregiving responsibilities.
• Reconnect with your sense of self, ensuring you don’t lose sight of your own identity and needs.

You Are Not Alone

Caring for an ageing parent can sometimes feel isolating, but it’s important to remember that you are not alone. Many people are navigating the same emotional and practical challenges, and there is support available to help you through this journey. Looking after your parent is one of life’s most challenging roles, and it’s normal to feel a mix of emotions. Acknowledging these feelings and seeking support—whether through counselling, friends, or community resources—can help you cope and ensure that both you and your parent are cared for. Connecting with others who understand what you’re going through can make a huge difference. Support groups, both in-person and online, can provide a safe space to share your experiences, learn from others, and feel less isolated. Hearing stories from people who have faced similar struggles can remind you that your feelings—whether they are of love, frustration, or exhaustion—are normal and valid.

It’s also helpful to recognize that professional support exists to lighten the load. Social workers, care coordinators, and therapists can guide you through the maze of caregiving decisions and help you create a plan that works for your family. Don’t hesitate to ask for help, whether it’s advice on managing care or assistance with tasks that feel overwhelming. Beyond professional support, reaching out to family, friends, or neighbours can also provide relief. Sometimes, people around you may want to help but don’t know how. Letting them know what you need—whether it’s running an errand, cooking a meal, or simply being a listening ear—can make the challenges more manageable.

It’s important to remind yourself that caregiving doesn’t mean you have to shoulder every responsibility alone. Building a support system allows you to share the burden, gain perspective, and take breaks when you need them. Of course, there is a reality that many people navigate care alone and don't always have someone to reach out to for help.  Reaching out to professionals and care staff can help in these instances and you should look at who might be able to help and tap into this resource as much as possible.

Above all, know that your feelings of being overwhelmed or alone do not mean you’re failing—they’re a natural response to a demanding situation. By reaching out and seeking support, you not only care for yourself but also ensure that you can continue to provide the best care for your parent.