The Myths That Undermine Love: What We Get Wrong About Relationships

 

Love is one of the most powerful forces in our lives, shaping how we see ourselves and connect with others. However, as a counsellor, I often witness how deeply held myths about love can quietly erode even the most promising relationships. These myths don’t come from malice—they’re often inherited from romantic movies, culture, or our earliest relationships. Still, they can create unrealistic expectations and emotional pain. In this post, I’ll explore five common myths about love and offer some reflections to help build stronger, healthier relationships.

Myth #1: “If it’s real love, it should be easy.”

This myth is one of the most damaging. Many people believe that if a relationship requires effort, something must be wrong. But in reality, even the healthiest relationships involve challenges. Why? Because no two people are exactly the same. We all bring different experiences, communication styles, and emotional needs.

Real love isn’t effortless—it’s intentional. The effort shouldn’t feel like a burden, but rather a shared investment. Love thrives when partners are willing to listen, compromise, and grow together. Struggle doesn’t mean failure; it often means you’re doing the work of real connection.

Myth #2: “You complete me”

This phrase may sound romantic, but it’s rooted in the idea that we’re incomplete without a partner. It can create a sense of dependency or pressure, expecting someone else to fix, fill, or heal what we haven’t addressed ourselves.

Healthy relationships are built between two whole people. That doesn’t mean you have to be perfect or have everything figured out—but it does mean recognizing that your partner can support your growth, not be responsible for it. Love is best when it’s a choice, not a need.

Myth #3: “Good couples don’t argue.”

Many couples fear conflict, believing it signals incompatibility or emotional danger. But conflict is natural in close relationships. Avoiding it entirely can lead to resentment and emotional distance.

What matters isn’t whether you argue—it’s how you argue. Are you listening to understand, or just to respond? Are you attacking or expressing how you feel? Conflict can be a gateway to deeper understanding when approached with care, empathy, and the intention to resolve rather than win.

I might add here that frequent or hostile arguments are not normal and not acceptable. If fighting becomes regular, hurtful, or emotionally exhausting, it may be a sign of deeper issues that need attention. Some examples of what unhealthy conflict can look like: 

• Arguments that escalate quickly and often leave both partners feeling drained and anxious.
• One or both partners yelling, swearing, or name-calling.
• Repeated use of sarcasm, blame, or shaming during disagreements.
• Walking away in silence for days after an argument instead of working through the issue.
• Fighting about the same unresolved topics over and over without resolution.
• One partner feels unsafe to speak or express their emotions honestly.

Myth #4: “They should just know what I need.”

Many people feel hurt when their partner fails to anticipate their needs, interpreting it as neglect or a lack of love. But expecting mind-reading is unfair and unrealistic. Even people who love us deeply can’t know everything we’re feeling.

Clear, kind communication is one of the most powerful acts of love. Expressing your needs doesn’t mean you’re too demanding—it means you’re inviting your partner to love you better. And when both people feel safe to be honest, the relationship becomes more resilient and intimate.

Myth #5: “Passion fades, so something must be wrong.”

It’s normal for the intensity of early-stage passion to change over time. That doesn’t mean something is broken—it means your relationship is evolving. The early rush of new love (infatuation) naturally gives way to deeper forms of connection like trust, shared history, and emotional intimacy.

Long-term passion doesn’t have to disappear, but it does require attention. Making time for each other, expressing appreciation, and being intentional about intimacy helps keep love vibrant, even as it matures.

Conclusion

Love isn’t perfect. But when we challenge the myths that distort our expectations, we create room for something more meaningful, real, grounded, and lasting. Relationships take work, yes—but they also offer deep joy, companionship, and healing when nurtured with care.

If any of these myths feel familiar, know that you’re not alone. Whether you’re navigating a rough patch, feeling disconnected, or simply wanting to grow together, counselling can offer a space for support and understanding. You deserve a relationship that is honest, whole, and truly yours.